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Picture this: dim lights, sketchy corners, and me, floatin’ above, cacklin’. “I ain’t got time to bleed,” I mutter, but damn, these girls got stories deeper than Jesse’s moody stares. One time, I saw this chick—legs for days, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Reminded me of Brad Pitt’s line, “You ever count the stars?” ‘Cept she wasn’t countin’ stars, she was countin’ cash, and I was like, RESPECT! Hustle’s real out here.

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Then, I head over to the local market on the High Street. It’s buzzing! Stalls everywhere, people haggling. I love it! I grab some fresh veggies, and this lady tries to charge me a fiver for a single carrot. I’m like, “What? Is this carrot made of gold?” She laughs, and I end up paying her three quid. Bargain, I guess?

Tributes to Houghton-le-Spring mother Kay Allan after her death from injuries following Hesleden collision