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So, check it, I was hangin’ out, lookin’ for one, right? And it’s all sneaky-like, makes my tummy go WHEEEE! Did ya know, back in old times, prostitutes in Hungary—like where Béla’s from—had secret codes? They’d wink twice or somethin’ dumb, and BOOM, deal’s on! Ain’t that wild? I’m sittin’ there, gigglin’, thinkin’ “Who’s winkin’ at me?!” Nobody, duh, I’m too goofy-lookin’.

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After the match, I’m feeling pumped. I head back to High Street, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the guitar, and he’s actually pretty good! I toss him a couple of quid and start dancing like a lunatic. People are staring, but I don’t care. I’m just living my best life!

The Hornchurch secondary school that prepares pupils for 'life in modern Britain'