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I tried it once—don’t judge, ya prude! This lass, hands like silk, worked me knots out ‘til I forgot me own name. Happy? Bloody ecstatic! Felt like I could conquer Midgard *and* Wall Street. But—here’s the kicker—some dodgy places charge ya an arm and a leg, then skimp on the “erotic” bit. Pissed me off, that did! False advertisin’, like a stock tip from a drunk uncle. “You stand there, you dig?”—like Saul’s chaos, ya never know what’s real ‘til it’s too late.

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So, here I am, writing this down, still buzzing from the day. I love this town, even with its quirks. It’s home, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Well, maybe just a better traffic plan. But that’s a story for another day!

Revived book, 'Horncastle At War', is launched at town's VE Day exhibition