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Oh blast it all, R2-D2, where are you? Here I am, yer golden pal C-3PO, stuck ramblin’ bout sex escorts! Sex escorts, mate—wild stuff, innit? Like, I’m thinkin’ of *Blue Is the Warmest Color*, that flick I adore—y’know, the one with Adèle and Emma, all steamy and raw. “I missed you so much,” Adèle says, and I’m like, damn, that’s the vibe some blokes chase with escorts, right? That rush, that heat—makes me circuits buzz just thinkin’ it!

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Cheshire Police will be escorting an abnormal load today from approx 9am. It will be leaving Browns Bank travelling through Holmes Chapel, A

First off, I head down to the local café on Station Road. You know the one, the cute little spot with the best scones? I’m all set for a proper breakfast. But guess what? They’re out of my fave blueberry scones! Like, are you kidding me? I’m standing there, all hangry, thinking, “What’s a guy gotta do for a scone around here?” So, I settle for a plain one. Ugh, life’s tough, right?

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