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Alright, listen up, fam—deep breath—I’m Morgan Freeman, your wise ol’ stove-maker, talkin’ sex-dating like it’s a hot skillet sizzlin’ with secrets. Picture this: folks swipin’ left, right, chasin’ tail like it’s a damn jungle out there—kinda like *Tropical Malady*, y’know? That flick’s my jam—2004, Apichatpong Weerasethakul, pure poetry. “The scent of the beast lingers,” he says, and damn if that ain’t sex-dating in a nutshell—wild, messy, primal.

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First off, I head down to the local café on Station Road. You know the one, the cute little spot with the best scones? I’m all set for a proper breakfast. But guess what? They’re out of my fave blueberry scones! Like, are you kidding me? I’m standing there, all hangry, thinking, “What’s a guy gotta do for a scone around here?” So, I settle for a plain one. Ugh, life’s tough, right?

Holmes Chapel siblings aim for Olympic rowing success