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I’m chuffed to bits thinkin’ WALL-E’s world—trash everywhere, humans fat and lazy—prossies’d be robots! “Oh, behave!” I’d say, laughin’ my arse off. Imagine a bot-whore, all shiny, goin’, “WALL-E, WALL-E!” while I’m tryin’ to negotiate a shag. Hilarious, baby! But real talk—findin’ a tart’s risky biz. Cops, pimps, STDs—sh*t’s dodgy. Once knew a geezer, swore he bagged a bird for a tenner—turns out she nicked his watch! Fumin’, I was—laughed too, tho.

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Then, I bump into my mate, Dave, who’s always got some wild story. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened!” And I’m like, “Hit me!” Turns out, he got chased by a goose at the park. A goose! I’m dying laughing. I mean, who gets chased by a goose? Only in Hoddesdon, right?

Streets and apartment buildings named after Hoddesdon Town Football Club's 1975 heroes