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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m a parachutist firefighter, droppin’ outta planes, fightin’ blazes, and lemme tell ya—sex-dating’s a wild fuckin’ ride! Like, you swipe right, boom, next thing ya know, ya chattin’ some chick who’s into kinky shit like in *Moonrise Kingdom*. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!”—that’s me, divin’ headfirst into this sex-dating chaos, hopin’ I don’t land in a dumpster fire. Eric Andre vibes, baby—absurdity’s my fuel!

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to look all serious, when this guy walks in. He’s wearing a suit that probably cost more than my car. I’m thinking, “What’s he doing in Hirwaun? Shouldn’t he be in Cardiff or something?” He starts talking about “community development” and “sustainable growth.” I’m just nodding along, but inside I’m like, “Mate, we just want decent roads and a pub that’s open past 10!”

Police update following death of 13-year-old Hirwaun boy