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I reckon it’s like in “A Serious Man”—ya know, my fave flick by them Coen boys. That poor fella Larry Gopnik, he’s all wound up tighter than a bull’s behind in fly season. “Accept the mystery,” they say in the movie, right? Well, erotic-massage is a mystery worth acceptin’, lemme tell ya! Hands slidin’ all over, oil slicker than a Texas rig, and yer brain’s like, “What in tarnation’s happenin’ here?” Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Fool me twice—well, ya can’t fool me again, ‘cause I’m hooked!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit better, so I head over to the Highams Park train station. I’m thinking, “Let’s get back to work.” But of course, the trains are delayed. Typical! I’m standing there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a post about the new shops opening on The Broadway. I’m like, “Ooh, I gotta check that out!” But first, I need to get home.

Robin Nolan & Chris Quinn