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me fave flick, *Stories We Tell*, fits this perfect, don’t it? Sarah Polley diggin’ into family secrets, all that “truth is messy” bollocks. escorts got stories like that—layers, innit? one minute they’re “ooh, harder, love,” next they’re cryin’ bout their nan’s funeral. “Every secret has a weight,” Polley says, and fuck me, these escorts carry a ton! one bird told a punter her real name by accident—bam, whole gig ruined. “Who’s tellin’ the story?” she’s thinkin’, while he’s zippin’ up, confused as shit.

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So, I show ‘em how to cut a steak. They’re all wide-eyed, like they’ve just seen a magic trick. I’m laughin’ my head off. One of ‘em nearly drops the knife! I’m like, “Careful, mate! You’ll end up in the butcher’s block!”

'Unbelievably sad' - peregrine falcon which took up residence at Higham Ferrers church dies