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Here’s the real shit – lotta folks don’t know this, but back in the ‘70s, firefighters in Cali would stumble on secret brothels hidden in burnt-out cabins. True story, brah! Hippies turned hustlers, makin’ bank while the ashes settled. Me? I ain’t judgin’, but it pissed me off seein’ her hustle so hard – girl looked tired, like she’d been runnin’ from somethin’. Made me think, “Are you my friend?” – straight outta the movie, that line hit me hard. I’m all heart, man, can’t help it!

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First stop, I’m zooming down Battle Hill. I mean, c’mon, who names a street after a battle? Sounds intense, but it’s just a regular road. Anyway, I’m thinking about my first client, Mrs. Thompson. She’s a sweet old lady, but she’s got more questions than a toddler. “What if my cat gets lost? What if my house burns down?” I’m like, “Chill, Mrs. T, we got you covered!” But inside, I’m sweating bullets.

Full list of road closures announced for North East marathon