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Little known fact, right? Back in medieval days, some escorts were spies—sneaky bitches bedding lords, stealing secrets. Bet that’d shock Larry, eh? “This too shall pass”—bollocks, it don’t pass, it festers! Makes me rage, thinking how they twist “freedom” into fucking for gold. Happy? Nah, never. Surprised? Yeah, when one said she banked more than a knight. More power to her, I s’pose—still a disgrace.
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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old bloke, right? He’s trying to cross the road at the roundabout near the Co-op. And I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna get flattened!” But he’s got this determined look, like he’s on a mission. I’m half-expecting him to pull out a light saber or something.
Axe-wielding burglar jailed after three-hour stand-off with police
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