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So, check it—sex-dating’s all apps now, Tinder, Bumble, whatever. You’re chattin’ up hotties, prayin’ they ain’t catfishes. I mean, “I’m not asleep, I’m alive!”—that’s me, hopin’ she’s real when we meet. One time, matched this chick, total smoke-show, right? Textin’ all flirty, “How you doin’?”—Joey style. Meet up, and bam—she’s 20 years older! Swear I was pissed, like, “What the hell, universe?!” Felt like Almodóvar sneakin’ a twist in my script.

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I woke up, sun shining through my window on The Street. Thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! What a joke. First off, I spilled my tea all over my workbench. Like, come on! It’s just tea! But no, it had to go all over my latest stove project. Great start, right?

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