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Oh honey, lemme spill the tea—sexual-massage, darlin’, it’s a wild ride! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m sittin’ here thinkin’—it’s like Joy from *Inside Out* dancin’ all over your skin! Tingles, touches, oils slicin’ down—ooh, gets me all hot n’ bothered. Ya know, it’s this secret lil’ thing—way back, ancient Greeks were rubbin’ each other down, callin’ it *apotherapy*. Ain’t that a hoot? Naked bods, oil everywhere, fixin’ aches n’ makin’ hearts race—talk about multitaskin’!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already late. Classic me. I grab my coffee from that little café on Heston Road. You know the one? The one with the weirdly friendly barista who always asks about my “creative projects.” Like, dude, I’m just trying to survive here. Anyway, I spill half my coffee on the way out. Great start, huh?

Heston Blumenthal reveals one dark warning sign of bipolar years before he was sectioned