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Sometimes it’s fun, tho – swipin’, chattin’, “My precious!” vibes. Hooked up with a lad once, wild night, he quoted “Leviathan” mid-bang – “Truth’s a slippery fish!” – cracked me up! Best shag ever, swear it. But then – ughhh – the ghostin’! Poof, gone, no text back. Pissed me off, precious, wanted to claw his eyes out! “We’re all beasts inside!” – movie line fits, yesss.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a dog stuck in a tree. A bloody dog! I can’t even. I’m picturing this little pup, all confused, like, “How did I end up here?” So, I send the fire brigade. They’re probably thinking, “What’s next? A cat in a chimney?”

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