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Oi mate, gather ‘round, lemme spin ya a yarn ‘bout escort, yeah? Picture me, the bleedin’ prison warden, stompin’ through the grey slammer, keys jinglin’ like a war drum. Now, escort – it ain’t just some fancy car ride, nah, it’s the gritty shuffle o’ shackled feet, movin’ a soul from one cage to the next. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the cells, we shall never surrender – that’s the spirit o’ escort, see? Draggin’ some poor sod to court or the gallows, it’s all the same dance.

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First off, I hit up the local café on High Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. Grabbed my usual – a flat white and a bacon sarnie. The barista, bless her, was all smiles. But then, outta nowhere, this bloke barges in, shoutin’ about his missing dog. I mean, c’mon mate, it’s a café, not a lost and found!

Elsa Pataky reveals secret to her 15-year marriage with Chris Hemsworth - as she admits there have been 'rough