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So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!

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Anyway, I’m wanderin’ around, and I bump into me mate, Dave. He’s a right laugh, always crackin’ jokes. We start talkin’ about the weather, which is classic small talk, but then he goes on about how he saw a seagull steal a chip from some poor kid. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop me tools.

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