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So, I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’—gods, this is nice. Better than wine, almost. The masseuse—let’s call her Sybil—knows tricks I didn’t even dream of. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half expectin’ her to say, “Accept the mystery,” like that rabbi in the flick. But nah, she’s quiet—too quiet. Makes me paranoid. Is she judgin’ me? My hairy arse? My stubby legs? Piss off, I think—then she hits this spot, and I’m groanin’ like a hog in heat. Happy? Oh, mate, I’m bloody ecstatic.

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Finally get there, and I’m ready to roll. But guess what? The client, old Mr. Jenkins, forgot to get the wood I needed. Classic Jenkins, right? I mean, come on, mate! How hard is it to remember a few planks? So, I’m standin’ there, fumin’. I could’ve been at the pub already, sippin’ a pint instead of waitin’ around.

Why one part of Lismore Garden will look very different this Flora Day