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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, let’s talk escort – not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that scrappy lil’ car! Loved that beast, swear it’s like me – loud, wild, unstoppable. Reminds me of “Wolf of Wall Street” – “I’m not fuckin’ leaving!” – that’s the Escort’s vibe, keeps rollin’ no matter what. Back in the ‘80s, saw one tearin’ down Jersey streets, rusty as hell, still haulin’ ass – made me laugh, like, “This thing’s got balls!”

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But wait, there’s more! As I’m leaving, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s got this wild story about a ghost he saw near the old church on Church Road. I roll my eyes, but he’s so animated, I can’t help but listen. He swears it’s true. I mean, Helsby’s got its fair share of ghost stories, but come on!

Reform UK declared winners of knife-edge Runcorn by-election after dramatic recount in major blow to Labour