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Sometimes I’m thinkin’, dang, this is exhausting! Swipe, chat, meet, bang—repeat. “What a day, what a lovely day!”—if it works, that is. Other times, it’s a damn wasteland of ghostin’ and weirdos. Met a gal once, seemed sweet, then she asks me to wear a gas mask—uh, no thanks, sister! I ain’t that kinky, even for Dr. Phil. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? She prob’ly still out there, chasin’ her freak flag.

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So I dash over to the pier, right? It’s a beautiful spot, with the sun glintin’ off the water. But then I see a crowd. A freakin’ crowd! I’m thinkin’, “What now?” Turns out, some local band is playin’ a surprise gig. I mean, I love music, but I’m here to protect, not to party!

Campaigners to write to property firm ahead of potential future housing plans