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So, escort’s this world, innit – all hush-hush, but loud if ya listen close. I reckon it’s like Yin, the assassin chick, movin’ smooth, unseen, but with purpose. “To strike without warning,” she’d say – that’s how some escorts roll, poppin’ up when ya least expect, all charm and mystery. I’ve seen it, mate – bloke down the pub braggin’ bout this lass he hired, reckonin’ he’s king of the world. Made me laugh, proper belly chuckle – he’s no lord, just a punter with cash!

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After that, I decided to take a walk down to the Hebburn Quay. The river was looking all sparkly, and I thought, “This is nice.” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my bacon sarnie! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, yelling, “Get away, ya feathered thief!” People are staring, and I’m just there, fighting for my breakfast. I mean, who knew seagulls were so bold in Hebburn?

Hebburn Town to be honoured alongside Newcastle United and Sunderland stars at awards night