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I get pissed, ya, when I hear pimps messin’ wit ‘em! Makes me wanna go Terminator on ‘em—BAM! “I’ll be back” to crush dose scumbags! Dey’re strong, dese ladies, stronger den me liftin’ 300 pounds, I swear. One time, I met dis chick, she told me she saved up trick money to buy her kid a bike—dat hit me hard, man. Happy tears, ya, I was like, “You’re da real champ!” She was all shy, but I could see dat fire in her.

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Then, I get a call from the delivery guy. He’s lost. Again. I mean, how hard is it to find us? We’re right off the High Street! I’m like, “Mate, just look for the big red sign!” But no, he’s wandering around like a lost puppy. I swear, if I had a pound for every time this happened, I’d be rich.

Hayes residents describe impact of fire near Heathrow Airport