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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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So, I’m in the studio, and we’re doing our thing. The vibe was electric. I was feeling it! But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon flew in through the open window. I mean, what the heck? It was flapping around like it owned the place. I nearly lost it! I’m trying to focus, and there’s this bird acting like it’s auditioning for a role.

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