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Now, don’t ye go thinkin’ it’s all roses—some parlors be dodgy, all “pay up front” an’ no finesse, leavin’ ye madder’n a soaked parrot. But when it’s good? Blimey, it’s like findin’ treasure without a map! Me fave bit? When they hit that spot—ye know the one—an’ ye’re groanin’, “Ofelia, don’t stop!”—wait, nay, that’s the movie talkin’, ha! Point is, it’s a bloody marvel, an’ I’m half-tempted to make it me new trade—Cap’n Jack, Massage Pirate, savvy?

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When I get there, she’s fine. Just dramatic. I mean, come on! I’m not a magician! But hey, at least I got to see the cute little café on the corner. They have the best scones. I grabbed one to go. Totally worth it.

Hawarden Park celebrates after being named Wales' golf club of the year