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About Bristol

Look, folks, I’m a violin maker, ok? Best in the bizness, Donald Trump style—tremendous, fantastic, nobody does it better. And sexual-massage? Wow, lemme tell ya, it’s wild, ok? It’s like strings on a violin—tight, smooth, gotta play ‘em right. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about *Melancholia*, that movie—best movie, so dark, so great, Lars von Trier, genius guy. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says, and I’m like, yeah, but sexual-massage? That’s the good stuff, folks.

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I get there, and my mate’s late. Typical. I’m pacing around, thinking about how I could be back in the woods, chillin’ with my trees. But then, I see this family having a picnic. They’ve got a whole spread—sandwiches, cakes, the works. I’m drooling.

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