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I got dis one time, right? Some gal in Vienna, she’s got hands like a freakin’ T-800, strong but smooth, ya? She’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “Dis is better dan blowin’ up a chopper!” Made me happy as hell—muscles loose, mind racin’, like I could bench press da world! But den, oh man, dis one time in LA—guy rushes it, no vibe, no soul, just slappin’ oil like he’s waxin’ a car. Pissed me off! I’m like, “Yo, dis ain’t no quickie car wash, put some damn heart in it!” Wasted my 50 bucks, ugh.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to treat myself. I head over to the local chippy on Haughton Road. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order the usual, and while I’m waiting, I see this old bloke trying to cross the road. He’s moving slower than a snail on a lazy day. I’m thinking, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” Finally, he makes it, and I’m cheering him on like he just won a marathon.

Pub fined £15,000 for hiring 'illegal immigrant' who has lived in UK for 53 years has penalty overturned