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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-datin’, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ jungle out there, like somethin’ outta “12 Years a Slave”. You got these apps, right? Swipe this, swipe that—bam, ya hooked up! But half the time, it’s a damn scam, like Platt gettin’ sold into hell. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Ain’t this some shit?” People out here lyin’ bout their pics, their jobs—fakakta nonsense! Makes me wanna whack somebody, I swear.

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Finally, I catch up with Dave. He’s still goin’ on about the seagull. “I swear, it was like a scene from a movie!” he says. We grab some fish and chips, and I’m tellin’ him about my sheep escapade. We’re laughin’ like a couple of kids.

Quarter million boost for Hastings charities and community groups