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I’m ramblin’ now—anyway, this one time, buddy o’ mine, Bubba, goes for one. Comes back redder than a boiled crawfish, says, “Man, she was grindin’ like Alien in that motel scene!” Y’know, “Look at my shit!” energy from the flick. I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ him all flustered. Prolly exaggerated, but who cares? Point is, sexual-massage can be a hoot—or a holler, dependin’ on the gal!

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So, I finally made it to the marina. The water was choppy, waves crashing like they were in a fight. I suited up, ready to dive into the depths. Hartlepool’s got some cool spots, like the old shipwrecks. But today, it was like the ocean was angry. I swear, I saw a jellyfish that looked like it was on steroids. It was massive! I was like, “Nope, not today, buddy!”

'I am so proud of our young people': Youngsters make artwork for Hartlepool park after ASB troubles