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Ooh, here’s a quirky bit – some escorts do “girlfriend vibes” packages. Cook ya dinner, cuddle, no hanky-panky even! “What are we waiting for?” – movie line fits perfect! Me, I’d be all, “Groovy, baby, whip me up some eggs!” Total mindfuck, right? Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but ain’t that the spice of life? Sex escort’s more than bonkin’ – it’s a bloody saga, mate! Shag-tastic and soulful, just like “The Return”! Peace out!

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At Diamond Escorts, London's no 1 agency they have a fantastic selection of English, European, Asian, Brazilian and Caribbean ladies available to come and see you at home or in your hotel .

Then, this lovely old lady comes in. She’s a regular, always orders a cappuccino with extra foam. I love her. She’s got this twinkle in her eye, and she starts chatting about the weather. “Oh, it’s so dreary today!” she says. I’m like, “Yeah, but at least we’re not in the North Pole!” She laughs, and it’s like a little sunshine in the chaos.

Man, 36, dies after stabbing near estate in Harringay