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Me, I’d be swipin’ left on half these clowns—too many shirtless gym selfies. Bro, put a shirt on, I’m not here for your pecs! Tho, gotta admit, the thrill’s dope—matchin’ with some hottie, chattin’ dirty, then bam, meetin’ up. It’s like, “The magic’s in the mystery,” as Penny Lane’d say. But then—ugh—some dude’s profile says “just vibes,” and I’m like, “Vibes don’t pay my rent, loser!” Gets me mad, y’know? Wastin’ my glorious time.

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While I’m waiting, I start people-watching. There’s this old man on a bench, feeding the pigeons. And I’m thinking, “Dude, those birds are gonna take over the world!” Then, there’s this group of teens, all loud and obnoxious. I roll my eyes. Can’t they just chill for a sec?

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