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Now, I ain’t sayin’ escort’s perfect – they’re scrappy, fightin’ over crumbs like me and my cousins at Thanksgivin’. But that’s what makes ‘em real, y’know? Gritty, tough, like Cronenberg’s flick – no sugar-coatin’, just raw. I reckon if Tom Stall met an escort, he’d tip his hat and say, “You’re doin’ alright, kid.” Git-R-Done, escort! Keep swimmin’, keep scammin’ – you’re my kinda fish!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Let’s hit the town tonight!” I’m thinking, “Why not? I need to blow off steam.” So, I finish my pint, pay the bill (which was way too high, by the way), and head out.

John Harbaugh texted Jim Harbaugh after Chargers' Omarion Hampton pick