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Oh, once saw an ad – “Escort, discreet, call now!” Thought, “D’oh! That’s bold!” Kinda admire it, y’know? They’re out there, dodgin’ cops, livin’ like rockstars. “Change is nature, Dad!” – Remy’s line fits, ‘cause escorts? They’re changin’ the game, one client at a time! What ya think, pal? Crazy, right? D’oh!

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I’m chatting with my mate, and we’re laughing about the day. But then, outta nowhere, this guy at the next table starts shouting. He’s arguing with his missus about something ridiculous. I mean, c’mon, it’s a pub, not a courtroom! I’m trying to enjoy my pint, and this guy’s making it impossible.

Kingston property of the week: 3-bedroom flat in former library and old council chambers