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About London

I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a trip—makes me happy as a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout somebody treatin’ me like royalty, rubbin’ me down real good. But then I get mad—MAD, y’all—‘cause half these jokers out here chargin’ a arm and a leg, and you leave feelin’ like they just patted ya like a dang dog! Rip-off artists, I swear! One time, I almost went myself—thought, “Madea, you deserve this!”—but I chickened out, ‘fraid they’d see my bunions and start laughin’. Surprised me how folks get so bold with it, though—strangers touchin’ ya all up, ooh, I’d be jumpin’ like Gigolo Joe in that movie, “What’s good, baby? What’s good?”

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I decide to take a stroll along the riverbank. It’s nice, you know? The views of the Hampton Court Palace across the water are stunning. But then I spot this old bloke trying to fish. He’s got this massive net, and I’m thinking, “What’s he trying to catch? A whale?” Turns out, he’s just after some tiny fish. I mean, bless him, but it’s like fishing in a kiddie pool.

Hampton Court Palace tells visitors about Ulez loophole that means drivers DON'T have to pay £12.50 fee - even