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I tried it once—swear to God, felt like my spine was singin’. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just dodged a bullet in a shootout. But here’s what pissed me off: some folks out here chargin’ $200 for a half-assed rubdown—c’mon, man, “knock it down, knock it down!” like Buscapé yellin’ at the madness. Ain’t nobody got time for that rip-off. A good sexual-massage? It’s gotta flow, gotta hit deep—muscles loosenin’, mind spinnin’, maybe even a lil naughty twist if you’re feelin’ bold. Wink wink, you know what I mean.

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Finally, we get moving again, and I sprint to the office. I’m sweating like a pig, and my shirt’s a mess. My boss, Mr. Thompson, gives me that look. You know the one. The “you’re late again” look. Ugh. I just smile and nod, trying to play it cool.

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