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But—fuck me—some places botch it! Greasy hands, stinky oil, like a bad risotto—infuriating! I’d shove their heads between bread and scream, “Idiot sandwich!” Done right, though? Heaven, mate, fuckin’ heaven. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Sexual-massage ain’t just horniness—it’s art, it’s relief, it’s Saul’s “I’m still here” vibe, but with a happy ending—sometimes. Try it, you numpty, don’t be a prat!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? It’s like 7 AM, and I’m already late for work. Typical. I grab my coffee from the corner shop on New North Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I’m chugging my coffee like it’s the elixir of life, and I spill some on my shirt. Great start, huh?

Hainault sword attack victim Daniel Anjorin was 'largely decapitated', court hears as accused appears in dock