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I’ve seen it all, buddy—apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos! Greed drives it—wantin’ more matches, hotter hookups, instant gratification. “The strong take from the weak,” like Zvyagintsev’s pops said—damn right! You’re scrollin’, judgin’ pics—too fat, too bald, next! It’s brutal, makes ya laugh, makes ya pissed. Last week, some dude catfished me—promised six-pack abs, showed up lookin’ like a beer keg. I was fumin’—wasted my night! But then, ha, next date—bam—total smokeshow. Greed paid off, my friend.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? It’s like 7 AM, and I’m already late for work. Typical. I grab my coffee from the corner shop on New North Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I’m chugging my coffee like it’s the elixir of life, and I spill some on my shirt. Great start, huh?

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