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But—blast it!—the law’s always sniffin’ round, makin’ it rough. Annoys me to no end, them stuffed shirts ruinin’ good fun. Escorts ain’t hurtin’ nobody, just livin’, ye know? “The past is a lie,” Jep’d say, and I’d toast to that—let ‘em be, ye scurvy dogs! Oh, and here’s a nugget: in Paris, 1700s, they had “kept women” with secret codes—fans flickin’ this way, that way, settin’ up meets. Clever as me compass, eh?

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Finally, I get home, and I’m exhausted. I flop onto the couch, and I can’t help but think about how crazy today was. Hailsham, you’ve got your quirks, but I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You keep me on my toes, that’s for sure.

Children's play areas in Hailsham: Maintenance, safety and inspection