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Still, it’s a circus, innit? You’re dodgin’ weirdos—blokes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a CV, lasses askin’ for cash upfront. Saw one profile, “£50 for a snog”—what am I, buyin’ a bridge off ya? Total nutters. But I reckon it’s like Plainview says, “I’m finished!”—you’re knackered, scrollin’ ‘til 2 a.m., but you keep goin’, ‘cos maybe next swipe’s the one. Sex-dating’s a grind, mate, but I’m hooked—teeth, apps, and all!

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But then, I hear this loud noise. A bunch of teenagers are messing around, and one of them trips and falls right into the duck pond. I’m dying laughing. Like, dude, what were you thinking? The ducks are just quacking away, totally unfazed.

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