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Alright, listen up, you filthy lot—sex escort, huh? I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, and I’ve got thoughts. Cold disdain dripping off me like wine on a bad day. Sex escort’s a game, innit? Power, coin, bodies—same as King’s Landing, just less dragons. I saw this lass once, right, working the streets near Flea Bottom—eyes like steel, sharper than Valyrian blades. She’d quote prices like she’s bartering for a kingdom. “Ten gold dragons, or piss off.” Made me laugh, that did—reminded me of Furiosa, all grit and gasoline. “What a day, what a lovely day!” I’d shout, watching her strut past the guards.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Stourbridge Road. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, a latte and a scone. But guess what? They were out of scones! Like, seriously? Who runs out of scones? I was fuming. I mean, c’mon, it’s a café!

Dunedin T20I double-header SOLD-OUT | Limited tickets remain for Hagley