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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Man, what a day! I swear, Hadley’s got a way of throwin’ curveballs. So, I roll outta bed, right? It’s like 7 AM, and I’m already late for work. Typical. I live on High Street, which is kinda cool, but also a nightmare for parking. I mean, c’mon, who thought it was a good idea to have a market on a Tuesday?

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