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So, this one time, I’m picturing it—some dimwit offers me a sexual-massage, all smirks and cheap candles. I choose violence. Always. “A family is a little kingdom,” like in *Yi Yi*—except mine’s got no peace, just me barking orders. This massage crap? It’s power play dressed up as pampering. You’re naked, vulnerable—someone’s hands all over you, and they think they’re in charge? Piss off. I’d rather burn the room down than let ‘em think they’ve got me soft.

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So, I let him help. He’s makin’ a mess, but it’s kinda cute. I mean, who doesn’t love a kid with a passion for meat? I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. Then, just as I’m about to give him a sausage to take home, the door swings open, and in walks the local councilor. Oh great, just what I need. He starts blabberin’ about some new regulations. “We need to talk about sustainability,” he says. I’m like, “Mate, I’m just tryin’ to keep my shop open!”

Man robbed at knifepoint on his own driveway