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Back in tha day, victorian blokes—fancy lads—used to hire gals on the hush-hush, called em “soiled doves.” Little fact for ya, mate! Blows me mind how it’s been round forever, like a bad itch. Makes me happy tho, thinkin some escorts outsmart the punters—take the gold and scarper! Hah! “The stone falls into the water,” like the movie says—ripples, chaos, love it!

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But then, I get this email. It’s from the ethics board. They’re questioning our latest study. My heart drops. I mean, seriously? We’ve been working on this for months! I’m fuming. I can’t even. I’m pacing around the office, muttering to myself. “What do they want from us? Blood?”

Plans being drawn up for town's annual festival celebrations