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About London

Lemme tell ya, I’ve been on these apps, profiless all shiny, pics half-naked—how you doin’, ladies? But half the time, it’s bots or dudes catfishing! Pisses me off, man! Like, I’m tryna get laid, not play detective. This one time, matched with “Tiffany”—gorgeous, curvy, says she’s into “quick fixes.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, I’ll fix her clock!” Meet up, and it’s some hairy guy named Tony. I’m like, “What is this, a hairy harvest?” Straight outta “White Material”—“The land betrays you!”—but here, it’s the app!

What Features?

First off, I’m a Clinical Research Specialist, but today felt more like a reality show. I’m walking down the High Street, and I’m already late for a meeting. Classic me. I’m dodging folks, trying not to spill my coffee. You know, the usual. Then, bam! I bump into this old dude. He’s like, “Watch where you’re going!” I’m like, “Mate, I’m sorry, but I’m not a mind reader!”

Man who had night-long stand-off with police after dog bit neighbour avoids prison