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Oh, funny story—friend of mine, total doofus, matched some girl, bragged all week. Shows up? It’s his cousin! Ha! “Eat my shorts, loser!” Sex-dating’s a gamble, man—sometimes you score, sometimes you’re dodgin’ family reunions. Keeps me laughin’, tho. What’s my take? It’s messy, dope, frustratin’—like milkin’ a cow that kicks back. You just gotta roll with it, y’know? “We’re goin’ dark, baby!”—till the next swipe screws ya. Peace out!

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So I’m hammerin’ away, right? And outta nowhere, her cat, Mr. Whiskers, decides to make a run for it. I’m talkin’ full-on feline sprint. The thing bolts past me, and I’m like, “Oi! Get back here!” But nah, that little bugger’s off down the street. I chase after it, dodgin’ folks on the pavement.

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