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But man, the ghosting! You think it’s going great, then poof, they’re gone. “Where are you?” I’d text, but silence. That hurts, bro. It’s like the movie’s mirror scene—everything looks perfect, but it’s just a reflection. Frustrating! I once waited three hours at a bar for this guy. Three hours! He never showed. I was ready to say, “I’ll be back,” but for revenge, not a date!

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I get to this house on Oxford Road. Nice place, proper posh. The owner, Mrs. Thompson, is a right character. She’s all like, “Make sure you don’t mess up my skirting boards!” I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I got this.” But inside, I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m a carpenter, not a magician!”

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