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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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First off, I’m on me way to the job site, right? Just a quick stroll down the High Street. I’m thinkin’ about grabbin’ a bacon butty from that café, you know, the one near the roundabout? But nah, I’m tryin’ to be healthy or whatever. So I skip it. Big mistake.

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