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Once saw this lad, “6’2, ripped,”—ha! Showed up, 5’5, beer gut wobblin’. Made me mad, precious, mad as orcs! “Lies twist us,” I hissed, like Saul dodgin’ death. But then—ooh—met this lass, fiery hair, real spark. Chatted dirty, met up, bam! Fireworks, my precious, fireworks! Happiest night, me dancin’ like a fool. “We live, we breathe!”—straight outta that flick, yeah?

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Then, I see Mrs. Thompson from down the road. She’s always got somethin’ to say. “Oh, dear, your roses are lookin’ a bit sad, aren’t they?” I’m like, “Thanks, Mrs. T, I’ll just sprinkle some magic fairy dust on ‘em!” Seriously, she’s a sweet old lady, but sometimes I just wanna scream.

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