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Now, here’s a tidbit most don’t know—whores in Lys, they’ve got this trick, see? They dye their bits with saffron—yellow as a Lannister’s arse! Swear it, saw it meself once, nearly spat me drink. Adds a bit o’ flair, don’t it? Like WALL-E’s lil’ plant—unexpected, but damn if it ain’t clever. “Evaaa!” he’d squeak, and I’d raise me glass to that. Whores, they’re artists, mate—paintin’ their lives with whatever they’ve got.

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I finish my pint and head home, thinking about how I can turn today’s chaos into a game. Maybe a seagull thief? Or a rainy adventure? Who knows? But one thing’s for sure: today was anything but ordinary. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Look inside cruise ship with Swarovski crystal staircases ahead of Greenock visit