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But dang, it’s intimate, right? Hands all over, breathin’ heavy—kinda makes me blush, and I don’t blush easy! How’s that workin’ for ya, lettin’ somebody get that close? Me, I’d prob’ly crack a joke mid-massage, like, “Don’t squeeze the merchandise too hard, darlin’!” Gotta keep it light, else I’m sweatin’ bullets. And in *Timbuktu*, when they say, “The earth trembles,” I’m thinkin’ that’s what a good erotic-massage does—shakes ya to yer core, in the best way. Or the worst, if they’re bad at it—lordy, I’d be madder’n a wet hen!

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While I’m waiting, I notice this old bloke at the next table. He’s reading the paper, and I swear he’s squinting so hard, I thought his eyes might pop out. I chuckle to myself. Then, he looks over and says, “You got a problem, mate?” I’m like, “Nah, just enjoying the show.” Classic Great-Wyrley moment, right?

The life of "Sherlock Holmes" author Sir Author Conan Doyle