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I mean, lemme tell ya, I was shocked—SHOCKED—when I learned this ain’t just some rich folks’ spa gig. Nah, sexual-massage goes back, like, centuries! Ancient Greeks? They were rubbin’ down athletes with oils, gettin’ all sensual with it—prolly didn’t even know it’d turn into this billion-dollar racket today! Billionaires should not exist, man, ‘specially not the ones hoggin’ all the good masseuses! Makes me wanna yell—why’s it gotta cost an arm and a leg for a decent rubdown? I’m pissed thinkin’ bout it!

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a text from my sister. She’s in a tizzy about some family drama. Apparently, Auntie Mabel’s cat got stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Seriously? A cat?” But she’s all, “You gotta help!” So, I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m a cat rescuer.”

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