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What gets me goin’—the nerve of it all! People judgin’ escorts like they’re holier-than-thou. Makes me wanna scream! I’m over here, yellin’ at my TV, “You ever try datin’ in LA? It’s a nightmare!” Escorts are just cuttin’ through the BS—straight to the point, like Viggo smashin’ that guy’s nose in the diner scene. No small talk, no “how’s the weather”—just, “Here’s the deal, pal.” Efficient! I respect it! But then—then!—you got the creeps who ruin it. Sleazy dudes actin’ like they own ‘em. That pisses me off. I’m like, “Joey, how’s it feel to be a monster?”—y’know, that line from the movie? Fits perfect.

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Finally, I find a corner, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s do this.” I’m prepping for a session with a young lad named Jamie. He’s a good kid, but he’s got the attention span of a goldfish. I’m talking to him about career paths, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. I’m getting frustrated, but then he says, “I wanna be a YouTuber.” I’m like, “Cool, but what about a backup plan?” He just shrugs. Kids these days, right?

Torrington Post Office branch brought back from closure